MALE CHASTITY

I was browsing Google the other day searching for something as innocuous as soap molds and looky what I found!

Am I the last person on earth to find out about locking up penis's? Where have I been?

Danielle Egan writes:

"Now you might be picturing leather-clad dungeon-dwellers with rubbers balls in their mouths, but belters walk among us as boss, accountant and airline pilot. In fact, frequent-flying belters inspired revolutionary design changes after suffering the embarrassment of setting off airport security metal detectors. Traditionally, men suffered steel cage-like contraptions invented circa 1850 to prevent the “imbecility” of “self-pollution.” Secured by bulky chains and brass padlocks, these Draconian-looking devices were heavy, caused pinching, chafing, swelling and all sorts of hygiene problems. So in the late 90s, Frank and Dorris Miller dreamed up the CB-2000 line of belt-free ventilated polyurethane “tubes” secured by “cuff ring” and plastic lock. Now in this post-911 high-security era, the Nevada-based company makes 70 percent of the belts on the market, cranking out “tens of thousands of tubes and business is on the incline.”

I clearly need to get out more.

After researching different sites that are proponents of male chastity belts I have learned a couple of things that I know you are dying to hear about........

1. Men that are in to woman dominatrix clearly like these little contraptions. They like being locked up and their woman only holding the key to their happiness.

2. Male chastity is HUGE in the religious community. Cock control is obviously some how intertwined in the Jesus lovers of the world. Women use it to keep their husbands from cheating and *SHOCK* masturbation. It's hard for those men to sin and surf porn sites if they can't even tweedle their dum.

3. Apparently men that aren't masturbating (or having intercourse) every 24-72 hours get really focused on pleasing their wives. They spend more time doing dishes and cleaning the house. They figure if they please their wives outside of the bedroom, maybe their wives will release "little willy" to play.

I wonder if any guys have ended up in the emergency room because their wives flushed the keys down the toilet in a fit of rage? heh heh

SUNDAY (but not) DINNER #7

It's not Sunday....but I thought I would share this dish with you anyway. This is an easy week-night dish because prep is minimal. I am using fresh raviolis that you can buy at your local supermarket or specialty food store.


BUTTERNUT SQUASH RAVIOLI WITH BROWN SUGAR PINE NUT SAGE BUTTER

2 lbs fresh butternut squash raviolis

1 cup pine nuts
4 TBS butter, cut in to large pieces
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp salt
cracked black pepper
2 TBS fresh sage, chiffonade
4 TBS cream or 1/2 and 1/2

Parmesan

1. Put water on to boil.

2. Meanwhile, in large saucepan....toast pine nuts over medium heat. Reduce heat to low and add butter, brown sugar, salt, pepper, and sage. Whisk in cream right before serving.

3. Cook pasta for about 5 minutes. Careful to avoid boiling vigorously or the raviolis may tear.

4. Drain pasta and spoon sauce over top. Sprinkle with Parmesan.

HALLOWEEN

Halloween was low-key this year. I didn't dress up. I didn't decorate the outside of the house. I for the first time in my life, was not in to Halloween. Maybe this is a sign from the gods that I'm getting old.

If I haven't mentioned it before, people come in droves to trick-or-treat Way Down In Mayberry. They bus the kids in for christs sake! But there was a new thing that I witnessed this year in the trick-or-treating venue that I have not been familiar with before. ADULTS TRICK OR TREATING! These were not the grown-ups that dressed up along with their kids for a night out of fun.... These were adults that dressed up and went door to door with a little plastic pumpkin in hand. In fact, one adult looked very similar to the man below.

The only difference is the guy that was in my neighborhood was about 40, bald and skipped the t-shirt. The man dressed up like a baby and asked the neighbors for candy! Was he high?

sigh............

So I shall share some photographs of the evening:

Scary enough for you?

IF YOU BUMP IT....YOU WILL GRIND IT

The lovely thing about friends is that they always have the perfect gift for you. Your friends know you so well that they could be walking through a store one day and see something and BAM! They HAVE to get it for their friend because it is the most perfect gift in the whole entire universe!

If you remember from this post.....I abhor teased hair. I also must remind you that I have no television, no infomercials and no newspapers. This leaves me, as a result walking around pretty much clueless about life. "Balloon boy? What? Car bomb in Afghanistan? Huh?" I have chosen to walk around with my fingers in my ears singing loudly...."LALALALALA LALALALA".

So imagine my surprise when my dear friend Kiki found these at a check out line in Winco.Am I the last person on the earth to hear of these? Flat to fabulous in seconds? I thought I needed to stuff my bra for that?Helpful hints include things like:
*Do not stick these up your ass.

and

*Styling your hair this way may result in screwing a man you do not know.

Seriously.....WTF? I thought the phrase Leave-In Inserts only applied to items like butt-plugs and tampons.

So of course, my Bumpits are a completely coveted item now. I thought I would share with you a picture of me Bumpitting.

I may be grinding it when I look THIS hot....

SUNDAY DINNER #6

This recipe is my new best Autumn recipe. It is soooo easy and absolutely delicious (however not so low on calories).

PUMPKIN GRATIN

Small pumpkin pie pumpkins

Crusty Bread

Cheeses (like Gruyere, Swiss and Fontina)

1/2 and 1/2

Chicken stock

1. Scoop out seeds of pumpkin.

2. Layer crusty bread and cheese inside pumpkin.

3. Fill pumpkin with 1/3 chicken stock and the other 2/3rds with 1/2 and 1/2.

4. Brush outside of pumpkin with oil and replace top.

5. Bake at 300 degrees for 2 hours.

6. Scoop out gratin/cooked pumpkin and get ready for your world to be rocked!

41 IS THE NEW 41!

I had a birthday this month. I thought I might show you some photos of my very low-key celebration: I have birthday pie every year. I don't like cake. This pie is my favorite. A chocolate silk pie. What could be wrong with whip cream and dark chocolate? Bubby decided to put 41 candles on the pie.....which was fine until all the kids wanted to take turns lighting the candles.

In the birthday package was my little piece of heaven. A super soft, totally fluffy heated blanket. I totally get it when kids want to carry their blankies around. If I could, I would take this blanket every where I went!

Izzy blowing out the candles. Note: see how the candles have turned into little nubs. It takes a looooonnnggg time for four kids to light 41 candles.

Oh! Did I mention the pie melted? It was kind of a soupy mess when it was served on to my plate but tasted divine none the less.

I HAVEN'T ABANDONED YOU...I'M CRAWLING OUT OF THE RABBIT HOLE

So life has been giving my share of whoop-ass lately. I'm not complaining. But to help you understand how out of it I've been lately, I share with you the following conversation that I had with my mother this weekend.......

MeMa: "Do you and Bubby want to go out Tuesday night?"

Me: "Huh?"

MeMa: "Well, I just thought if the two of you wanted to go out, I'll watch the kids."

Me: "Tuesday?"

MeMa: "Um, yes...it's your 19th year anniversary."

Me: "It is? Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that."

So in between all of the crap that has been consuming my life, I forgot about my anniversary. Sorry Bubby!

I thought I might share some positive photos of what has been going on since August. Just thought I might let you know that all has not been lost........

Kiki and I have been doing a lot of canning. We canned peaches, salsas, jellies, chutneys and just about anything we could find a recipe for that used up the hundreds of pounds of tomatoes coming from our gardens. We have been enjoying nature here at tallulah's house complete with rainbows, orb weaver spiders and tree frogs that we like to stick on our windows.The Pizza Pope and his minion came to visit. That was nice.

It's been especially pleasant watching my evil kitten Clarice tear up my million-count sheets and my leather furniture.

I've been making a lot of soap for a Bazaar coming up in November. I figure between all of the canning and soaps that have been produced, I'll be fat and clean all winter long.

And when the pressure gets too much. When I really have felt like taking a knife to my wrists, I have chosen to torture the dog Boo-Boo........

Or Izzy.

Climbing out my friends.....climbing out.

RABBIT HOLE

That's where I've fallen my friends.....

It's a deep, dark and dank hole but I'm climbing out.

Before I know it....I'll see the light again.